


Nobody Actually Knows How Demon Rules Work, but Take the Exile Punishment and Go on a Date

by antiagonally



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Arsene is Akiren, Loki is Goro, M/M, Robin Hood is also Goro but annoying, fic by anti's sister, the Persona is more or less the character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:08:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27157729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antiagonally/pseuds/antiagonally
Summary: Loki gets roped into playing defense attorney during a demon trial. He didn't expect to fall for the defendant. Or more accurately, throw himself into exile alongside the defendant in order to learn what cute names he gives his cats. What? No! He definitely wasn't hoping Arsene would look this hot in human form!
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Arsene/Loki (Persona Series)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 58





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic written by my sister.
> 
> To avoid confusion:  
> 1\. In this fic Personas are demons. Demons in the prologue all appear in full Persona form.  
> 2\. Michael the angel-like thing is a Persona/demon on the prosecution team, a separate entity from the nameless actual angel who is supervising the proceedings. Don't ask why an angel gets to be the judge, we don't know either.

Loki was never one to care about any other demon except for himself.

Selfish? Yes. Did he care? No.

So when he was called to the trial of another demon who had supposedly broken one of the greatest taboos, he had no interest in either the other demon nor what taboo thing they'd done. However, upon arriving and as the trial continued, he found himself slowly getting into it, the normal smirk he wore becoming more and more insane as he argued with one of the other demons on their opinion of the taboo.

"But is a whole chunk of demon diamond really worth all this..." He paused in thought, attempting to keep from swearing. "This massive amount of bullshit," he finally settled on unceremoniously.

The other demon didn't even cringe, but he did frown further, though Loki wasn't sure how he could. He had not a single clue how the angel-like thing with a square face and a constant long look could manage to look even longer. "That 'demon diamond' is kind of... the only source of power we have against angels," Michael said with distaste.

Loki only smirked more wryly, unsure how Michael could come to that thought.

"We have what humans refer to as magic. Yeah, they do too, but it's only fair. They have swords? So what, so do we. They have special material weapons that can evaporate us? SO WHAT? Why can't we just fucking-" Loki heard the angel sitting in the middle of the space clear his throat. "-just make weapons and enchant them to do the same?! We've done it before," he finished.

Michael made a face. "It's not just about the weapon aspect of it, it's our only exclusive material-"

Loki snarled loudly without thinking, "We can steal cloud stone, we don't have a moral code against it. And besides that, how is a bright, glowing, pink, diamond-shaped thing 'exclusive' to us. THE FUCKING IMPS FOUND IT, NOT US."

Michael slammed his hands on the booth counter in front of his side, the flag on his table that said 'Against' almost slipping off. "We established its existence to the world!"

Loki stood up and stabbed his claws straight through the counter in front of him, a sickening 'shunk' type of noise coming from the undeserving and depressed counter. "WE STOLE CREDIT FROM THEM AND THEY REVOLTED, THAT'S WHY WE HAD TO HAVE A STUPID WAR TO ELIMINATE THEM, AND OF COURSE THAT LEFT US WEAK, BUT HEY, THERE'S NO IMPS AROUND TO CONTINUE TO CLAIM COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT, RIGHT?!" he basically screeched, plenty of sarcasm dripping from the right points.

After a few moments of silence being alive, Loki finally calmed and killed it again. "And then the angels came down and screamed at us for deleting a race from the earth, and punished us with 'Oh yeah, you guys, uhm, like, shouldn't have done that,' and took some of our power." He paused, thinking. "Oh yeah, THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TO USE WEAPONS MADE FROM SPECIAL MATERIALS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!" he resumed screeching.

Michael's face remained in an expression of permanent 'Ugh, why do I have to deal with this,' and he sighed. "The whole point is that he stole 55% of the share that wasn't his. And then proceeded to give it to humans... He won't even tell us what he traded them for," he said, swiping a gesture toward the demon in the middle of the room.

The demon in the very center of the space (who had a permanent grin on his face like Loki) looked awkward, like he wanted to disappear.

The angel, who had been watching them from the just behind the accused demon, once again cleared his throat, his perfect face wrinkled slightly in a frown. "Perhaps if you would be willing to give your name, and state your reasoning, sir?" he said, nervously addressing the demon.

The accused demon sighed, seeming slightly defeated and tired of watching a debate continue in front of him. "My name is Arsene, sir. And my business with the human is private; I could not reveal the records to you even if I still had them-"

The angel interrupted suddenly, eyes wide, "Wait, where are the records then?!"

Arsene shifted uncomfortably, and blushed as thoroughly as a demon who is already almost pure red can. "I ate them." Pretty much everyone in the whole area of the court facepalmed.

The angel sighed in exasperation. "And why did you do that?" he asked.

Arsene shook his head sadly, his horn-like antennae flopping a bit. "That was part of the deal, I didn't have a choice."

Everyone fell into an awkward silence, since silence was tired of getting revived.

Johanna, the motorbike-thing, cleared her throat from the prosecution side. "Either way... So, Arsene." She had the whole court's attention as she began repeating the basics of what was happening. "This demon took more than his share of the demon diamond of..."

Michael supplied, "A mining expedition."

Johanna nodded her thanks, which was more of a tire shift. "And proceeded to a deal with a human, who in the records said he required the demon diamond, and the demon to eat the records." Johanna took a deep breath before continuing, "So all we have is, missing demon diamond, more than what he would have normally had. A unidentifiable and inconspicuous deal made with a humans, all conditions unknowable, unless Arsene actually remembers any of it-"

Arsene shook his head. "I also said I would forget as soon as the deal was completed and I had eaten it."

Johanna looked slightly annoyed, which again, is weird since she's a stiff mask on the front of a motorbike. "What Arsene is being accused of is-"

Michael huffed. "Not accused, he did it. All we need to discuss is punishment."

Johanna gave him a tire turn glare and continued, "-theft, which is his forte if you consider who he is. Messing in fishy deals, of which none of us know what was involved other than the demon diamond stolen. And running from the demon vanguard when approached as a suspect of theft. Which, honestly, is perfectly valid."

Loki looked at Arsene and shook his head in disappointment. "Why did you run? That's such a big sign of how guilty you are."

Arsene blushed again, scratching his cheek embarassedly. "I forgot about everything other than theft and summoning."

Loki had to admit, that was fucking cute. But right now, he needed to focus. Wait, why did he even care? Maybe he should think about that now- Later. This guy doesn't deserve all this garbage over some theft of worthless stuff and sneaky shit, they're demons for phalanx's sake. What are morals?

Johanna once again breathed deeply, she has some real lung issues... Wait, where do you put lungs in a motorbike? "So, then what does the judge determine him to be, based off of evidence and these stories?" she asked, as if genuinely making this joke of a court meeting seem serious.

To be completely honest about this whole situation, it was stupid, a waste of time, and explained why Loki got stuck on the defense side when he said, "I don't care, I don't fucking want to be here." Both of the people taking it the most seriously were the idiots who actually cared and chose the prosecution side.

Loki's technical partner was a UFO-like thing with tentacles who was way too busy playing some sort of game to actually pay attention to the trial. It hadn't stated its name, and Loki refused to look at the case for the trial when he was presented with it. He hadn't expected to actually care about the blushing, shy demon who looked like he couldn't hurt a puppy even if he tried.

Wait, where was Loki's brain? He had to stop thinking down that path, Arsene probably killed at least 50 dudes in his life. But if Loki was honest, he really couldn't see the guy as the type to hurt a puppy.

The angel cleared his throat, looking even more like he didn't want to be here. "I believe he is quite obviously guilty. But what do you demons want for his punishment?"

The prosecution side high-fived each other, as well as a motorbike can high five an angel-like dude without losing dignity. Loki was losing his patience and he really needed a long holiday of exterminating bats from the ceiling of a random cave in the human realm.

Johanna began listing possible punishments, when suddenly a lady stepped forward from the audience. Apparently someone enjoyed watching this trash. "Wait... Arsene. I believe you've committed more than just a few thefts-"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Duh, he's a gentleman thief."

The lady looked undisturbed by his statement. "-and I want to know of your past records. I've heard and been a witness to more than just one or two sneaky deals that you've been involved in. Is it true that you..." She extended her fan in a flourish. "You have made deals and taken things from the human realm, sparing the human soul?!" Now that, that was a genuine accusation. That meant he had broken a real demon code rule, rather than simply being dumb and doing what demons do best.

Michael frowned even further, how the fuck does he do that?! "Rule 7... 'A demon will not desire human treasures or bring them within the demon realm.' ...The punishment for that is death."

Loki yawned. While this was getting tense, it was honestly still stupid. Plot line thrown together by low-life at 3 in the afternoon, the brain that made it completely not into it because they just wanted to get to the good part already.

Really though, what was the good part? Oh yeah, how cute Arsene was, blushing harder, and looking like he hadn't just broken a rule, more like he'd just been found without a shirt on as an unexposed virgin.

Loki really needed to get a new brain. HE WASN'T DESIRING TO FEEL UP THE DUMB GENTLEMAN THIEF, NO. NO SIR, NOT HIM.

The angel looked seriously conflicted. "Arsene?"

The embarrassed demon ducked his head. Again his head-things flopped, though his hat made the duck awkward. But still cute- dammit. "I... admit to it."

"Milady, do you have evidence of this?" Johanna asked, looking as genuinely concerned as a motorbike can.

The lady nodded, producing a small kitten, black with white-tipped paws and tail.

"A HUMAN WORLD ITEM!!" screamed some random demon in the background with a skull for a face, who then fainted. In the background.

Loki rolled his eyes; the cat was cute though.

Arsene stared at the kitten, looking worried for its safety, as he made a motion with his hands. "You're holding him wrong, you might kill him if you do it like that."  
Milady frowned, as well as something without a face can, and shifted her grip to what he showed. The kitten stopped struggling and looked relaxed.

Arsene's smile looked more cheerful. "Thanks."

Michael shook his head. "This means obvious death for you, Arsene. You do understand that, correct?"

Arsene looked conflicted for a moment, then shifted to determination. "I'm willing to die, if I know my cats will be given proper, loving, gentle care," he said without hesitation.

Loki nearly swooned at the straightforward dedication Arsene had towards what he loved, which happened to be his cats. What loyalty. How much more fucking cute can this thief get?

Michael nodded and turned to the angel. "Sir, he must be sentenced to death."

Wait, but if Arsene was dead, then what would they do with all his cats? And how was Loki supposed to find out what cute names Arsene gave them if he was dead? Loki realized in that moment, he wanted to keep Arsene. Weird how over the course of one trial, he was suddenly investing his whole life into one cute thief that was found guilty. He was probably drunk from all those shots of (demon equivalent of vodka) he drank before the trial since he just wanted to get it over with and go on vacation.

Loki suddenly kicked the counter of his booth thing halfway across the demon realm, the depressed whoosh of it suddenly hissing through air making everyone immediately turn their attention to him. It was a good thing that being drunk as a demon means the only effect is a slight perception change... This is often how demons and angels fall in love. They honestly hate each other.

Loki swung his arm dramatically toward the angel, suddenly feeling very confident in his choice. "IF YOU KILL HIM, I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE HERE WITHOUT HESITATION."

Johanna looked confused and concerned. "Loki, calm down-"

Loki snapped his gaze to her, suddenly turning extremely sharp. "I'm dead serious, Johanna."

Silence took a chance to live, breathed a few breaths, ate a whole meal, got married, and then Loki killed it. "I will take half of his sentence."

Michael made a face, thankfully not furthering his frown more this time. "But you can't half die... Are you proposing a different sentence?"

Loki was about to send Michael on a trip to see if there was a demon equivalent of Mars.

Milady looked sympathetic. "We could send them to the human world under a human contract, bound to stay in human form for... how about 2 years?"

That sounded reasonable to Loki, and his smirk may have widened. He could complain about the details later, as long as Arsene didn't die before showing him more cute faces. The court space considered the idea, Arsene looking more than baffled at what had just happened.

Loki nodded in agreement to Milady's suggestion. "I will take responsibility for him as his superior from now on," Loki said with conviction.

Michael looked doubtful. "Do you swear? You do realize what you are suggesting is a demon being owned by another demon in exchange for sparing his life?"

Loki nodded determinedly, his braids swaying behind him.

The angel looked relieved, and turned to Arsene. "Do you agree to this deal?"

Arsene looked conflicted but then nodded. "Yes, I agree. Please take care of me, Loki, sir."

The angel then nodded, clapping his hands together. "I now sentence the demon, Arsene, for his crime of breaking demon rule 7 and many minor ones, to 2 years of probation on earth in a human body with a human contract, possible modifications allowed, with his now official owner-demon, Loki, taking half of the punishment for his actions." Immediately light enveloped Loki and Arsene.

Loki sighed in slight realization that he might have just signed up for his own death, but oh well. At least he might get to find out what cute names Arsene gave his cats.


	2. First Chapter

The burning of limbs being forced into a shell, of form being shifted from its natural state into a different one. Loki was honestly not really that happy to feel his arms burning. In fact all of him was burning, then suddenly there was a burst of light and he felt his eyes automatically adjust, flames bursting around him.

The familiar feeling of a type of rage and what humans referred to as insanity coursed through him, and the panic-like feeling known as adrenaline. He felt his vision tunnel for a second, and he flung his arms into a wide motion around him. It felt... so weird.

He still had familiar stripes all down the very human-looking body he now inhabited. Under the stripes, white crawled up his arms and around his shoulders and collar bone, slowly going back to a skin tone of a human. The human being him.

His hands resembled claws with gloves covering them, and he felt the weight of his braids, two bright red streaks hanging past his shoulders. He felt the familiar sensation of horns curved on his head, but he had an unusual feeling near them, smooth and soft. Then a loose hair fell into his vision, a darkish mocha color as he once heard someone describe it.

He had eyes, a nose, a mouth which he felt he wasn't grinning as normal, and when he finally registered his surroundings he was staring right into a startled pair of eyes, the color of which shifted slightly with the light... a human. She stared at him, expression tight and mouth squished into a thin line.

Loki just stared at the girl from head to foot. She had brown hair falling past her shoulders in an almost boring style. It seemed she didn't care much about her hair. She was wearing a loose black t-shirt, and tight, teal shorts covered her legs. Huh. Those thighs be pretty thicc. And then his brain registered the feeling of air on his new skin, and he shivered, surprised. He had a vague memory, something a human had told him when he talked about reproduction, something about-

It clicked in his mind and he dropped to the floor, pulling his legs to his chest in a protective move, his voice making a high pitched noise that he'd heard a frog make once when he poked it. He was in a small living room with a couch against one wall, a window behind it, and probably a kitchen behind the wall to the left of the window. Just a bit to his right, near the couch, was a crouched over blob of red, leather-like texture with small, familiar black wings sprouting from its lower back, curled in on itself.

A mass of black curls encasing wherever the human's face was- Wait, humans don't have wings. That's Arsene. Oh yeah, Arsene. Wow. Damn those legs. His human body is way too hot. How can one dude be both adorable demon and hot human?

This questionable line of thought was cut off by the girl standing in front of them. Behind her was an opening in the wall looking into a countered area, definitely the kitchen as he'd assumed. "Hello. I was sent a message I would be receiving two demons for a contract? Do you two happen to be demons, or are you elaborate cosplayers that are about to get stabbed because they were acting like stupid punks?" she asked, voice clear and slightly high.

He stared back at her, gears in his head spinning fast enough to produce smoke at this point. "C-cos-" He choked as his voice rasped out of a burning throat; he coughed and grasped at the physical manifestation of his new human neck.

She frowned further and backed into the kitchen for just a moment, before handing him a glass of the clear liquid that humans insisted upon consuming. Dammit, he knew its name-

"Water?" asked a deep, raspy voice from the black mess of curls nearby.

She nodded and handed the curls a glass as well. Loki carefully put the glass to his mouth, it should be the same as drinking the alcohol in the demon realm. Sure enough, it was the same. It went down very smoothly and soothed the burning sensation immediately. The fluff of curls sighed, the water obviously helping him as well.

Loki finally cleared his throat and attempted speaking. "Cosplay? What in the phalanxing golden gate is that?" he asked. His voice sounded a bit strange, but his mouth moved through the motions on instinct, even though it was different from his mouth as a demon.

She smiled, seeming amused at his question. "Might you be the one referred to as Loki?"

His gaze snapped to her eyes immediately. "Did that message mention our names as well?"

She shook her head quickly, smirking her own devious smirk. "I guessed that based on other things. I have sources and feelings to look through," she said mysteriously.

Arsene hacked up a hairball. Both the girl and Loki watched in almost gross fascination. Loki cringed. "...You sound like a cat."

Arsene's face finally looked up at him, giving Loki a good view of a fucking hot face and deep, storm gray eyes. Suddenly the face twisted from sheer surprise to a wicked smirk that matched his face in the demon realm.

A low rumbling sound came straight from Arsene's mostly bare chest, covered only partially by the leatherish red of his original suit. Loki blinked, trying to remember what that sound meant. Whatever it was, it was making him feel hot all over. Weird, maybe he needed more of that cool water.

The girl laughed. "Arsene, I presume? Please stop purring like cat; it seems listening to it makes Loki feel unwell." Arsene suddenly pouted, switching his gaze to her. She snickered. "Anyways, I need to find you two clothes. Either of you feel like relaxing a bit more into your human forms?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some art we posted earlier; the characters finally look like [this](https://twitter.com/antiagonally/status/1317212911513739264?s=20).  
> 
> 
> The OC will be introduced next chapter; she's my sister's self-insert but I think (hope?) you'll all like her anyway. She's quite a character...


	3. Second Chapter

The girl coaxed both of them to relax and think about calming things, saying their demonic traits would fade from their bodies, but they had to refrain from panicking.

Loki had no problem imagining the blood of thousands spilling everywhere; it soothed his frayed and overheated nerves. Soon he was relaxed enough to feel his horns had disappeared and his stripes now looked vague, a very light shading of black. He was now mostly human, his hands looking less like claws and more like very red fingers poking out of black leather fingerless gloves.

He frowned and stared at his legs and hands, he still wasn't quite used to his skin color. Not that he'd had long to get used to it. There was still the weight of his braids, but he noticed brown creeping into and dimming the bright red strands of the ones hanging down in front of his chest, so he must look at least a bit more human.

The girl smiled upon seeing the progress with his attempt at humaning. To his right, he noticed Arsene was struggling a bit, a look of concern having taken over the smirk he had sported earlier. The girl seemed to think for only a moment before crouching next to him and petting his soft-looking black curls.

Loki really wanted to do what she was currently doing: weaving her hands gently through Arsene's hair and rubbing his head softly, a small smile playing on her face. Arsene's first response was surprise and then a softer version of the rumbling, as if he wasn't even thinking about it, just relaxing into the touch he felt.

Arsene's wings vanished and his eyes closed slowly, the leatherish red fading into smooth, soft-looking skin. He was still tinted pink along his shoulders and going down his legs, but somehow he looked- Dammit he looked really hot, and now with the wings not curled around him his figure was obvious and he was even hotter.

Resisting the urge to tense up again, Loki forced himself to look away, but not after observing sadly that Arsene's antennae had disappeared with his wings. He stared at the vaguely peach-tinted walls of the room they were in, decorated haphazardly without any theme or attempt at fancy decoration like most homes he had a memory of going to.

The girl finally stood up when she deemed Arsene relaxed enough. "I'm going upstairs briefly to get you guys some loose stuff to wear while we go shopping for some actual clothes for both of you." She smiled wryly. "After all, I can't exactly determine your underwear sizes and so on. Please try to stay relaxed and come up with things you can do or think about during shopping to keep yourself from transforming or showing your demonic traits," she said gently, before disappearing up the stairs to retrieve said items.

After a bit of time - time in which Loki avoided looking at Arsene to keep his brain from going places he wasn't sure he was willing to go quite yet - she finally returned downstairs with some neatly folded clothes in her arms, which she put in front of both of them.

"Thankfully for both you, I bought some big, loose male clothes because no matter what I was getting through this contract, I felt I should be prepared, and whether you had been female or whatever, I knew this would cover all the bases until I got you to a store to buy clothes," she said, smirking slightly in pride.

Arsene poked the clothes, looking curious. Loki remained frozen, unsure how to react to the situation he found himself in. He knew clothes went on his body, but he wasn't sure how. And he didn't want her watching him, but he really had no clue how clothes went on.

"I'll be in the kitchen if either of you need help. Just call." The girl smiled gently and exited to the kitchen.

Loki panicked slightly and his stripes brightened, his fingers looking more claw-like.

"Hey," Arsene said in his deep, unsually deep voice. How the fuck was his voice so soothing? "You know how to get into human clothes?" he asked curiously. Loki found himself frowning, which... It felt weird to have a face that could actually do that now.

"No," he stated simply, not sure whether to be embarrassed that he had never paid attention to the mortals, or pretend he was too proud to care about human things. Or anything for that matter.

Arsene made a grunting noise, bringing Loki back to the real world from his irritated thoughts. He glanced over, seeing Arsene had pulled the dark red pants over his legs and up his waist, and was now figuring out the shirt. Arsene met his gaze just as Loki realized he wasn't glancing, he was staring.

Arsene made a wry smile. "Need help?" he asked, sounding somehow the perfect amount of disinterested and caring, but without the condesending 'I know more than you' attitude that he was used to from the other demons. Loki found himself nodding slowly, the darkish mocha hair falling in his face, tickling lightly.

Arsene's smile become more gentle and he walked over and carefully showed Loki how to take the pants and slip his legs through the correct holes. "Now you pull the band up to your waist," he said, backing up and going back to struggling with his shirt.

Loki appreciated the privacy and pulled his pants up. It felt weird, but the dark blue fabric felt comfy and didn't look too bad on him. He took this opportunity to try standing up. His legs had no problem balancing and holding his weight, but he normally floated slightly, so he definitely wasn't used to ground against his feet.

Arsene had finally figured the shirt out and showed Loki. "There's one big hole; you put your head through that AFTER you put your arms through the other two holes. The back of the shirt has a tag sewed in it that goes against your back." It seemed simple enough, but felt weird and wasn't as easy as the words described.

Somehow they both managed to get the clothes on, slipping heavier shirts with hoods on over their shirts. Both shirts were black; the hoodies were black as well with little logos on the front, Arsene's being a cat and Loki's being a crow. He thought it was actually pretty cool, if he was honest.

"We're done, ma'am," Loki said politely.

The girl quickly appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, observing their attire now. She made a face. "Well done, you guys somehow got it all on perfectly. Also, don't call me ma'am, it sounds like I run a flower shop for a living. My name is..." She paused, as if thinking about how cautious she should be around them. Finally she decided. "My name is Samantha Nekoshka. You can call me that, or only the first part, or you can call me Sushi." Apparently her desicion was throwing caution to the wind, because her eyes portrayed that she trusted both of them fully.

Arsene tilted his head. "Isn't sushi a human food?" he asked, almost childishly.

Immediately Samantha pouted. "Hey! I've never really had a nickname that stuck, okay? And if you call me Sam I will stab both of you and tie you up in the basement with no way of escaping two years of pain from knives in your chests. If you insist on shortening it, call me Mantha."

Loki observed her, trying to think of something to call her, a trait to go off of. "Hurricane," he found himself stating simply, without thinking.

Arsene grinned, nodding. "That can be her code name when we're out and about!"

Loki narrowed his eyes at Arsene. "You've thought some of this through before the trial, haven't you?"

Arsene shrugged, attempting to look innocent with a light pink glowing from his cheeks.

Samantha nodded. "That works; we can't exactly call you by your real names out there. It'll attract too much attention, so no Hurricane or anything like that for sure. Call me by my real name outside. So, to the real issue, you two need human names to go by," she said, pulling a notepad out of her pocket and flipping through pages.

Arsene clapped his hands together. "Oooh, I could be called Cat! Or even Morgana- no wait, he would kill me if he found out. Uhm... How about-"

Loki yawned, interjecting, "How about we call him 'Red Top Hat'."

Samantha shook her head, smirking. "Don't insult Arsene, Loki. You might get bitten back with-"

Arsene looked somewhat offended and gave a Loki a glaring look that was making him feel something in his lower parts. "Zebra Man."

Loki felt that in his soul. Did this dude really want to fight? He was about to-

Samantha suddenly whipped out a knife and held it to his neck. "Loki. Calm it. Your horns are showing. Relax. If you hurt Arsene you'll get into trouble."

Loki found himself calming with the knife at his throat. Weirdly enough. That shouldn't have worked. Her firm and steady voice was telling him to obey her? Then he realized something. "Since we are in a contract with you we have to listen to what you command, to a degree..." He trailed off realizing what that entailed.

She nodded, looking serious. "You can still technically resist, but I wouldn't advise that."

Samantha backed off and flipped through her notes again, the knife disappearing somewhere. "We need actual names for you, human names, like 'Joe' or 'Alexander', even something like 'Kaito' would work. But they need to be names you'll agree to be called, something you'll be familiar with," she said, continuing with the earlier topic.

Arsene tilted his head. "How about the name 'Akiren' for me?" he asked.

She nodded, "That works-"

Arsene stared shyly at the floor. "Akiren Kurumiya, after my cat Akira."

Loki stared at him exasperatedly. "YOU NAMED YOURSELF AFTER YOUR CAT?!"

Samantha giggled. "Voice level, Loki. That works, Arsene."

Loki pulled himself together, restraining the urge to attack the soft-looking, fluffy-headed boy.

Arsene grinned suddenly. "Can we use 'Goro Akechi' for Loki?" he asked, super cheerful about it.

Loki suddenly felt bile coming up his throat. "Please tell me you're not naming me after another cat of yours."

Arsene's wicked smirk returned. "How could you tell?"

Samantha straight up fell onto the floor in laughter.


	4. Interlude: Arsene's Cats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sister has not written the third chapter yet, only the fourth one. So in the meantime, please enjoy some information about Arsene's cats.

Arsene's Cat Numero 0:

A small white kitten with brown spots, bright green eyes, and a nervous jittery attitude, offered to him when he had played with her a bit during his summoning time with that particular dealer, who claimed the cat had a human soul inside. He was tricked, but didn't mind too much, the thing being so tiny 'my hands make it look like a mouse sometimes, it's adorable,' in his words. He was aware he couldn't technically keep it, but he did. Sadly it died a few years into living with him, but at the time he hadn't figured out how to immortalize the cat with an enchantment. He cried for approximately seven years. (Yes, with breaks in between.) I forgot to mention her name, but it's Min.

Arsene's First Cat:

Black with white-tipped paws, tail and nose. It's actually his second cat that he asked for in a deal with a human when he determined their soul really wasn't worth taking. It has a sassy personality and has learned pieces of the human language; it's also surprisingly chill about literally everything. Except for bedtime. Arsene named it Morgana after thinking it was a girl, and then he never changed the name. He figured it was still cool.

Arsene's Second Cat:

A calico with silver eyes and a extreme attitude issue. Constantly claws Arsene's arms. He doesn't let it bother him; he still pets, plays with, and annoys the grumpy thing. He has the belief that it actually really likes cuddles but is too stubborn and proud to let him. (A lot like his new master, if he thinks about it.) He still doesn't know why the dealer insisted he name the boy cat Alexander Humphrey Prince George the Fifth. But he just calls him Xander 5.

Arsene's Third Cat:

A massive orange tabby with thick, somewhat-red stripes going up and down his back. His deep, uncaring, dark green eyes stared back at Arsene without interest for the first week of being under his care, but slowly over time Arsene watched the fluffy thing warm up to him and begin being the one to insist on a cuddle session. Arsene found this therapy way better than mass murdering people in the woods, which often did cheer him up. You know, cleaning the woods of improper people and cult worshipers who disturbed him... So he accepted Ben's warm fluffy cuddling sessions. On a side note, he is heavy enough to keep Arsene stuck on the couch for a couple of days, which even with an enchantment to make him live forever, shouldn't work.

Arsene's Fourth Cat:

The man that offered him this cat was more than obviously abusive to the poor thing, and rather than taking the ugly, probably tastless soul, he took the cat, giving the man a very disgusted look, at least as disgusted as a constantly smiling demon can. A tired Russian Blue with pink eyes watches from his now claimed corner of Arsene's house, atop Arsene's- I mean his dresser. Morgana named him when he came home by screaming in perfect English, "GOOD LAND, NOT ANOTHER BLOODY CAT!" So Arsene named him after a guy he'd recently seen covered in blood, Goemon. He calls him Gatcha most of the time though.

Arsene's Fifth Cat:

A silver tabby that can float, maybe slightly possessed by a minor spirit. Found on his contractor's head, who claimed they were trying to make their cat into Satan. Arsene then spoiled it for the kid by telling him that dude was too busy to be possessing cats at this time. He proceeded with his job and took the cat. The cat normally naps by a window or something, rather than floating, but since he gets scared easily, he tends to float. A lot. His name came from how he looked during a thunderstorm, Shigh. Morgana said it was dumb, combining 'Silver' and 'light'. Arsene ignored him.

Arsene's Sixth Cat:

Soft, silky, white with black eyes. Stared at Arsene during his deal. He scooped the little white boy up and took him home, telling the kid that demons preferred cats over souls, and in his case at this point, it was true. He named the quiet thing Taco Cat. Normally calls him Taco for short.

Arsene's Seventh Cat:

Technically two cats, a fluffy brown and a fluffy black, both having the strange desire to fight each other, like rivalry. Officially the cats that got him him in trouble for breaking the 7th rule by making a deal he has no memory of. His deal was good though. A simple task, some items, and then boom, he had Akira and Goro, the two most stubborn cats which he only had just gotten immortalized before his arrest. He is still depressed about it; he really wanted to keep watching the two loud but adorable things. "Honestly the two of them really do work as one unit," Milady wrote in one of her letters while taking care of his felines.

Arsene's Eighth Cat:

Loki was quiet about it, but with a Siamese female in his arms, he looked at Arsene seriously. He then shoved it toward Arsene's chest, saying very quickly, "Happy Birthday, our contractor agreed I could buy her for you, please accept her."

Arsene nearly dissolved into a puddle of happy tears right then and there; he quickly gave Loki a loving kiss and snuggled his new kitten. "Did you have a name in mind, honey?"

Loki seemed to blush at the nickname. "Ah... Cinarol? Or Carol?" He looked awkwardly away.

Arsene actually melted this time, letting out a small sob.

Loki panicked. "What's wrong?! Arsene?! DID I HURT YOU? DID SHE?!"

Arsene shook his head rapidly. "I'm so happy, I'm just... a banjo that finally got to play a good song... a cat that finally got an owner... a-"

Loki covered his mouth. "Please stop. It's clear the contractor is wearing off on you."

Arsene re-composed himself, still sniffling. "I think Cinarol is perfect, then I can call her Cina. Thank you so much Loki, I love you so much!"

Loki's face became the color of Arsene's normal attire, a shimmering bright red.


	5. Fourth Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sister still has not written the third chapter, or any more of this story for that matter, but I managed to get this proofread so here you go. Here's [some art](https://twitter.com/antiagonally/status/1324405824056295424?s=20) if you want to know what Robin looks like.

Simply living is, well, stupidly easy. At least, laying around in a red, star-patterned hoodie and black and dark blue striped boxers on a king-sized mattress eating very salty potato chips while watching a documentary on cheetahs is easy. Loki was bored. Extremely bored.

"...The antelope's worst nightmare..." the TV droned. The writer of the story is probably having too much fun actually listening to a weird random documentary they chose on Youtube. But also being bored by that as well.

Loki rolled over and grabbed the remote from Arsene's side of the bed and flipped it through his grip into a pointed jab at the TV across the room. Without a pause it switched channels to a random, extremely sexual song. The writer has strange taste in music. At least, that's what Loki swears. Before he finds himself softly mouthing along to the lyrics.

Dammit, these human desires were so easy to give in to. And it's all too easy to relax instead of trying to work on something like a scheme to get them back to the demon realm early, which is what any sensible demon would do after 2 to 3 months of living with a contract that only requires doing a thing every now and then.

He didn't even remember reading the details closely, he never really did unless he was concerned with the outcome, which is rarely important in the case of females. Somehow his statistics normally said that they wouldn't request something like that.

Except, he swore he was forgetting something related to her right now. Oh well, it could wait, he had more TV and chips to consume. "...Endless, sweet dreams, a new world you're taken to..." Loki found himself mumbling.

Then, suddenly, the door was flung open. Arsene was standing there, dressed properly in a pair of light blue jeans, black shirt, a white jacket thing over it, and a pair of the thick-framed plastic glasses that Loki personally both found cute and stupid.

"LOKI. MAST-" Arsene coughed and cleared his throat, "MANTHA IS IN TROUBLE."

Loki pulled himself up enough to look at Arsene skeptically. Sometime during the rolling around his hoodie had ridden up his torso and was showing off his stomach. He ignored fixing it in favor of yawning. "And... what am I supposed to do about that?" he asked, caring very little.

Arsene folded his arms and pouted slightly. "Well I guess someone doesn't want to spoon and snuggle tonight," he huffed.

Loki found himself caring more, and he glared at Arsene. "I didn't say that."

Arsene quirked an eyebrow. "You implied that."

Loki shook his head and stuck his tongue out to hide his anxiety over missing snuggles. He had to defend his pride somehow; he would never admit to spooning and snuggles being his entire reason for not straight-up destroying everything and actually trying to sleep at night.

Arsene suddenly smirked wickedly. "You'll miss them, won't you?" He then feigned nonchalance. "Well, I'll be sleeping on the couch downstairs tonight; don't chase after me, honey." He turned around, not leaving the doorway, just looking the other way, probably to hide the smirk he was sporting proudly.

Loki found the conflict within himself screaming, 'NO, YOU CAN'T, YOU HAVE TO SNUGGLE ME.' Ignoring it fiercely, he clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. "I didn't need your 'spooning and snuggles' anyways."

Arsene looked over his shoulder, looking minorly disappointed his plan hadn't worked. "Fine then, sleep well tonight." He then hurried off downstairs to whatever he was concerned about.

Loki settled back down, listening to the same song still playing, wait, was it set on repeat? Oh well, did seem like a good song. "...You've been captured, compromised, I'll hit you where it hurts, and take your life!" he sang along softly. Pretty good song-

A loud crash echoed from downstairs, followed by someone letting out a loud, pitiful noise.

Heading downstairs faster than he expected himself to, he pulled his hood up and jumped over the banister that overlooked the living room from the stairs, landing in a perfect roll in the living room, his hood never leaving his head.

The scene before him was Arsene in the grasp of two hooded and masked figures. Samantha was on the floor wrestling Johanna, while another demon stood nearby, smirking.

Loki had to do a double take. That was his fucking jerk-faced, feather-brained punk of a brother. Humanized, he looked virtually the same as Loki, but his hair was a touch lighter in color, his eyes had a gold circle in the center, and his smirk told you to go and kill yourself in the name of justice.

There were other masked figures standing respectfully by the doors, looking agitated that Loki had just dropped from wherever he had been.

"Hello, other demon of this household. What is happening here is none of your concern. Besides that Samantha failed to keep a part of a deal, which was to enforce her contract. Her contract will be terminated in 30 days if she doesn't complete the requirements," his brother spilled beautifully.

"What are the requirements?" asked Arsene, still struggling and looking confused.

Good, Loki swore that if he wasn't the only one who didn't read the details of contracts, he was going to-

"I didn't get to see the contract or I would have read it, do you happen to have a copy?" Arsene asked very politely for someone who was trying to bite a dude's arm off. The dude looked minorly panicked.

"Well, I don't have a copy on me at this moment, so no. But the requirements included an evaluation every two months, where she would call Johanna to check up on you two," his brother said dryly. "But she failed to call Johanna, so Johanna told me to come with her as she took the law into action."

"WE AGREED THAT YOU WOULD CHECK UP AFTER A FOUR MONTH PERIOD, NOT TWO, YOU LITTLE HALF-WITTED PUNK!" Samantha yelled, grabbing Johanna's arm and yanking it against the carpet. A small, slightly sickening crunch ensued.

Johanna let out an outraged scream, moving her arm and fixing it with demon regeneration, looking horrified and angered. "THE CONTRACT SAYS TWO," she yelled back.

Loki would have to settle this the only way he knew how. He calmly walked into the kitchen, opened the recipe drawer, pulled the contract out, and stepped into the living room. "Page 3, paragraph-" He began before he was interrupted by Johanna screaming at Samantha.

"YOU'RE THE HALF-WITT-"

Samantha's eyes widened. Without a single second of thinking, she grabbed Johanna, pulled her invisible knife and stabbed Johanna in the neck, holding her in a brace where Johanna couldn't escape. Johanna let out a soundless, slightly gurgling, scream of pain as Samantha hit the voice box with perfect accuracy.

Loki would have to swoon later at how hot his roommates were, after he got this shit sorted out and his brother out of his house.

"IKETE DE FUCK UP!" he yelled, his arms suddenly wrapped tightly in black stripes, his braids falling down his shoulders, and his horns going through the hood's designated holes which Arsene had asked for. Though he hadn't understood then, he was glad for it now.

Everyone stopped moving. Samantha had finished her move by swiftly removing the knife from Johanna's throat, blood dripping off her knife slowly. Johana had frozen, her body auto-regenerating. Loki's brother was raising his eyebrows with little effort to hide his slight surprise. Arsene was looking at Loki, upside down from between the legs of the dude he had been attempting to bite earlier... He really knew how to crawl all over people like a creepy spider-cat.

Loki briefly noted Arsene's cute antennae wiggling, then continued. "Page 3, paragraph 42, 'The check-ups shall be done every four months, if failed both parties shall meet and discuss reasoning, if invalid punishment is stated on page 5, if valid, both parties will apologize and continue as normal,'" he finished, proud of himself for remembering having read that much of a contract for once. 

Arsene gave him a look prompting him to go to page 5 and read the punishment. He sighed and gave in to the unspoken promise of 'I'll forgive you and give you spooning and snuggles later if you read this.' If Arsene was lying, Loki would give him a nice whipping.

"Page 5, paragraph 78. 'Punishment for a slight mis-timing of check-ups shall go to both parties if failed. Since both are responsible for it... lol Johanna wants it to be on the human but either way they both have to deal with some excuse paperwork. Punishment is ten day suspension of contract for the human, ten cross hot irons for the demon. lol too much thinking...'"

Loki trailed off. Oh phalanx, oh dear, he never realized that the contract printers were just as lazy as him.

His brother nodded his head. "Sounds accurate since we had Al Azif writing the contract as it was being made."

Loki barely remembered that name, but it sounded like it was in the same family as the tentacle UFO thing at the trial and Prometheus, a dude who in the past lent him some (demon equivent of vodka) in exchange for some human info he got in a contract.

Johanna quickly jumped out of Samantha's stabbing range, looking very distraught. "Fine. But I was sure it said... It was supposed to be two months and if she failed it was supposed to be 30 days from failure..." Johanna frowned as she speculated, "That little triangle thing scammed me!"

Loki's brother rolled his eyes, now looking less smug and more irritable. "That's what she does. You didn't pay her for it or anything like that, so of course she would have fun however she wanted. You should probably read through the contract details more thoroughly next time before you call the demon vanguard. We don't have time to look through contracts when we are called, you do realize? We don't have time for your..." Suddenly his eyes were sharp, a familiar feeling of danger that Loki gave off filling the room.

"Your bullshit claims and pointless fucking banter, since there was nothing here worth my time," he said, his voice like silk, but silk covered in sharp, thin knives- needles, that's what they're called. He then calmed, giving Loki the 'how do ya do, fuck face?' look, before politely saying, "Good evening, Loki. Sorry to disturb your residence, next time I hope we can play a nice game of chess?"

Loki clicked his tongue and tilted his head. "Oh yes, as if chess will sedate our fury and pent up rage?"

His brother chuckled. "My apologies, I'll bring your sword for you and we can go on an enthusiastic walk in some nearby woods."

Loki found himself grinning back. "I think I might actually enjoy that, Robin." That name hadn't left his mouth in forever, it honestly had taken him this long to remember.

Robin nodded, snapped his fingers and disappeared in a burst of blue and gold flame with the black-hooded and masked dudes.

Arsene fell as soon as the man he was crawling over disappeared, and laid on the floor spread out, looking quite pleased with one of the men's masks in his mouth like some sort of cat that had just stolen a valuable treasure. Loki could almost hear the light purr the fluffy demon was probably making right then, Arsene's antenna wiggling like cat ears, his wings flapping slightly.

Cute... He was so adorable Loki might die right then and there.

Johanna excused herself as if she hadn't just caused this massive mess, in a burst of teal and silver flame. As soon as she was gone, Samantha went into the kitchen and cleaned her knife, returning with a wry smile on her face. "Thanks, Loki. But... you do realize you were doing that whole thing in only a hoodie and boxers?" she said worriedly.

"What did you think the hoodie was for?" Loki responded in annoyance.

Laughter burst from the black-haired demon on the floor. "I'm sure his brother has seen worse of him!"

"Shut it, fluffball," Loki snarled at the sprawled-out hot boy.

"Careful there or you'll lose privileges again," Arsene teased, grinning from the floor.

Samantha sighed. "Well, nice to know the similarities between the two of you didn't mean you'd cloned yourself."

"Nope, just his brother who works in the demon vanguard. His full name is Robin Hood. He normally looks like a chicken bird man." Arsene burst into laughter again, apparently at the memory.

Loki frowned. "He already got over that one. I need something better than that to get under his skin, Arsene."

Arsene nodded. "I'll begin thinking of one, honey!"

Loki ignored the nickname and went back upstairs. "I'm going back to lazing around, wake me up in two months."

Samantha yelled up after him, "I'm calling you down tomorrow for some human doctor check-ups, so have some clothes laid out for that. I'm not taking you in wearing boxers and a hoodie."

Loki rolled his eyes and collapsed back into his shared bed, nuzzling his face into the soft black pillow. "Whatever."

From downstairs he heard Arsene make a noise. "Mantha... I don't wanna, I earned it!"

Samantha huffed, "We cannot keep the mask you stole from the guard. You have to give it back, Arsene."

What a stubborn cat he'd managed to adopt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Ikete' is Thoughtish, which is hypothetically the language everybody would speak if we could get our thoughts into words with perfect accuracy. Since we can't, even Thoughtish words can't be translated exactly. Ikete on its own basically means 'shut up', though as it's used within the sentence we get something like a split infinitive, so I assume it just represents the 'shut' part with all the implied annoyance of the full phrase. And in case it wasn't obvious enough, 'de' takes the place of 'the'.


End file.
